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Different definitions of love on the internet in books and articles

After years spent speaking with couples before, during and after marriage; and of talking to parents and children struggling with their relationships, I am convinced of the partiality of the definition. Love should be seen not as a feeling but as an enacted emotion.

To love is to feel and act lovingly. Too many women have told me, bruises visible on their faces, that the husbands who struck them love them. Since they see love as a feeling, the word hides the truth, which is that you do not love someone whom you repeatedly beat and abuse.

You may have very strong feelings about them, you may even believe you cannot live without them, but you do not love them. The first love mentioned in the Bible is not romantic love, but parental love Genesis 22.

Aziz Ansari: Love, Online Dating, Modern Romance and the Internet

Between human beings, love is a relational word. Yes, you can love things that do not love you back—the sky or a mountain or a painting or the game of chess.

But the love of other people is directional.

Online Dating & Relationships

And real love is not only about the feelings of the lover; it is not egotism. It is when one person believes in another person and shows it. In Fiddler on the Roof, when Tevye asks Golde whether she loves him after a quarter century of marriage, her wry answer is exactly on point: Love is not about being hired help.

  1. If you only knew how good the candles in my house smell. The feeling must be wedded to the deed.
  2. The results in this report are based on data from telephone interviews conducted by Princeton Survey Research Associates International from April 17 to May 19, 2013, among a sample of 2,252 adults, age 18 and older.
  3. Using the internet to flirt, research potential partners, and check up on old flames have all become much more common in recent years Compared with when we conducted our first study of dating and relationships in 2005, many more Americans are using online tools to check up on people they used to date, and to flirt with potential or current love interests. Is that experience so different from swiping on Tinder?

Love is not an obligation done with a cold soul. But neither is it a passion that expresses itself in cruelty, or one that does not express itself at all. The feeling must be wedded to the deed. We would have a healthier conception of love if we understood that love, like parenting or friendship, is a feeling that expresses itself in action. What we really feel is reflected in what we do. We welcome outside contributions.

We Are Defining Love the Wrong Way

Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of TIME editors.